It's great for listing celebs who look fuck-all like you.
25.4.07
The Internet Reckons I Look Like Spider-Man.
Go on, have a crack at the myheritage.com facial recognition profiler.
It's great for listing celebs who look fuck-all like you.
It's great for listing celebs who look fuck-all like you.
23.4.07
When Graphic Design Attacks!
The poster for All 4 One, then:
(click for full-size)
So bad that the first time I saw it my eyes literally bled*.
*not literally.
(click for full-size)
So bad that the first time I saw it my eyes literally bled*.
*not literally.
18.4.07
Richard McBeef
I'm sure that this is the ten thousandth blog to mention this today, but being a Drama teacher I couldn't not. The good ol' Smoking Gun has unearthed and published the manuscript of a one-act play by Cho Seung-Hui, the face of evil* and the loner* responsible for Mondays atrocity at Virginia Tech campus.
The play is called Richard McBeef, and it has become my dream to bring it to the stage- I think it's exactly what the Gwent am-dram scene is crying out for.
*copyright ITN news.
The play is called Richard McBeef, and it has become my dream to bring it to the stage- I think it's exactly what the Gwent am-dram scene is crying out for.
*copyright ITN news.
17.4.07
There Are No Answers...
... and the sooner you stop looking for them, the sooner you can understand and appreciate the world on it's own terms. I believe that there was a time when there were answers, but back then we didn't know that we'd ever need to ask such difficult questions, so we let things slide. I love to dream of alternate realities splintering from our own, worlds where there is a point and a purpose and the difficult questions didn't have to be asked because way back when it counted, someone somewhere did the right fucking thing. If that other place exists, then it's a comfort to me- but that place is not this place. In this place we've gone too far, and there's simply no way back.
Okay! Hi all! Things are very fucking hectic here indeed- so, right? Last week, with just five weeks to go until curtain up, our lead fucking actor walked out. Upshot? I have to start from scratch learning the lead role for a show which starts now in just under four weeks time. Another actor whom none of the cast has ever even fucking met also has to step in to learn and perform my old role. This is sham-dram at it's finest, folks.
My work situation is worrying me a little, too- there's an interesting offer on the table from the LEA regarding work as a home tutor, but I just don't know where to hedge my bets for the long-term prospects. Gah.
Let's see, the bright side, the bright side... a new series of Peep Show, Xbox Live, Year Zero, a night with Gavo, wedding plans coming together, discovering how easy it is to give up smoking, the interwebs... see, on the small-scale it's a pretty beautiful life, but when the camera pulls back to show the bigger picture then it turns into fucking Babylon. Just spend fifteen minutes at foxnews.com, you'll see what I'm saying.
Oh and by the fucking way, regarding the worst shooting in American history which occurred yesterday- if you really want to bring the loss home to yourself, don't bother with the newspapers and television reports. Look up each victim's myspace and read the tributes being written by friends and loved ones. That's Tragedywang. And Marilyn Manson has a new album coming up- eh? EH? Coincidence?*
*No, it isn't. BLAME MANSON.
Okay! Hi all! Things are very fucking hectic here indeed- so, right? Last week, with just five weeks to go until curtain up, our lead fucking actor walked out. Upshot? I have to start from scratch learning the lead role for a show which starts now in just under four weeks time. Another actor whom none of the cast has ever even fucking met also has to step in to learn and perform my old role. This is sham-dram at it's finest, folks.
My work situation is worrying me a little, too- there's an interesting offer on the table from the LEA regarding work as a home tutor, but I just don't know where to hedge my bets for the long-term prospects. Gah.
Let's see, the bright side, the bright side... a new series of Peep Show, Xbox Live, Year Zero, a night with Gavo, wedding plans coming together, discovering how easy it is to give up smoking, the interwebs... see, on the small-scale it's a pretty beautiful life, but when the camera pulls back to show the bigger picture then it turns into fucking Babylon. Just spend fifteen minutes at foxnews.com, you'll see what I'm saying.
Oh and by the fucking way, regarding the worst shooting in American history which occurred yesterday- if you really want to bring the loss home to yourself, don't bother with the newspapers and television reports. Look up each victim's myspace and read the tributes being written by friends and loved ones. That's Tragedywang. And Marilyn Manson has a new album coming up- eh? EH? Coincidence?*
*No, it isn't. BLAME MANSON.
26.3.07
"... Then I Shall Blog in the Shade".
First and foremost a big "welcome" to my new niece Chloe, and gigantic congratulations to her Mam and Dad, my brother Alan and his wife Lyndsey. I've always sort of thought that all babies look the same regardless of gender, but I'm taken aback by just how lovely she is- all perfect-looking and little and wrinkly and confused by everything.
Excellent work.
School continues to be constant and fulfilling, wedding plans are continuing apace and the only thing that's really worrying me at the mo is the ever-creeping-closer opening date of All 4 One. The local paper is plugging it (click) and tickets have started selling... but it feels like we're really badly behind schedule. There's nothing worse than an underprepared performance, it's like eating half-cooked food or reading an unfinished book, it just disappoints and makes everyone involved look like a dick. There is still a month and a half to go though, so I won't shit it just yet.
Let's see... was able to have a typically messed-up night with Rob J and Kara last weekend- Big thanks to the former for the Gwar souvenirs (sorry I missed it, dude) and to the both of them for the stunning drinking-game bruise.
That's it for now- very much looking forward to 300 and TMNT this week.
To finish off, let's have a SophieFact-
Ooh!
Before I go, regarding the Cash Money E-Mail Experiment- No responses yet, although I'm still plugging away. I've gotten through quite a bit of marked cash by now, but it's all been in my home town or thereabouts. I've got a plan in mind to widen the distribution area a little, more in the next update. My legal advisors (i.e Laura) are advising me against continuing, what with the technical illegality of marking banknotes, but I really can't see the web police or interpol launching a sting operation on me, particularly not with Pete Townshend still at large.
Mark.
Excellent work.
School continues to be constant and fulfilling, wedding plans are continuing apace and the only thing that's really worrying me at the mo is the ever-creeping-closer opening date of All 4 One. The local paper is plugging it (click) and tickets have started selling... but it feels like we're really badly behind schedule. There's nothing worse than an underprepared performance, it's like eating half-cooked food or reading an unfinished book, it just disappoints and makes everyone involved look like a dick. There is still a month and a half to go though, so I won't shit it just yet.
Let's see... was able to have a typically messed-up night with Rob J and Kara last weekend- Big thanks to the former for the Gwar souvenirs (sorry I missed it, dude) and to the both of them for the stunning drinking-game bruise.
That's it for now- very much looking forward to 300 and TMNT this week.
To finish off, let's have a SophieFact-
"During the last year Sophie’s been listening to lots of Goldfrapp, Turin Brakes, Streets, Human League, Prince, and Heart FM".
Ooh!
Before I go, regarding the Cash Money E-Mail Experiment- No responses yet, although I'm still plugging away. I've gotten through quite a bit of marked cash by now, but it's all been in my home town or thereabouts. I've got a plan in mind to widen the distribution area a little, more in the next update. My legal advisors (i.e Laura) are advising me against continuing, what with the technical illegality of marking banknotes, but I really can't see the web police or interpol launching a sting operation on me, particularly not with Pete Townshend still at large.
Mark.
22.3.07
Ooh, I Know...
... let's have a picture of Sophie Ellis-Bextor:
There's lovely.
Right, big update over the weekend- loads has happened but I've got literally NO TIME RIGHT NOW.
There's lovely.
Right, big update over the weekend- loads has happened but I've got literally NO TIME RIGHT NOW.
10.3.07
The Cash Money E-Mail Experiment.
If you saw an e-mail address hand-written on a banknote in your possession, what would you do?
I know what I'd do. I'd mail the fucker. I think lots of other people would too, and with that in mind I'm scrawling my hotmail address on any banknotes that come my way...
...and crossing my fingers that I get something interesting. Any and all responses will be posted here, naturally.
As an interesting aside, when I tried to open the above image in my usual photo program I got this:
... which at first made me reach for my tinfoil hat, worried that tsar Blair was controlling my computer via radio-waves in my fillings. A quick Google, however, taught me about something called the EURion Constellation, a pattern of dots on every banknote that's recognised by commercial printers and scanners, which triggers their blocking mechanisms to prevent counterfeiting- here it is:
That pattern of dots is hidden on every banknote- on the £20 it's disguised as musical notes. If you are considering chancing your arm at counterfeiting though, don't worry too much- there are tutorials all over the place on how to crack the fucker.
I learned something today. I hope you did, too.
I know what I'd do. I'd mail the fucker. I think lots of other people would too, and with that in mind I'm scrawling my hotmail address on any banknotes that come my way...
...and crossing my fingers that I get something interesting. Any and all responses will be posted here, naturally.
As an interesting aside, when I tried to open the above image in my usual photo program I got this:
... which at first made me reach for my tinfoil hat, worried that tsar Blair was controlling my computer via radio-waves in my fillings. A quick Google, however, taught me about something called the EURion Constellation, a pattern of dots on every banknote that's recognised by commercial printers and scanners, which triggers their blocking mechanisms to prevent counterfeiting- here it is:
That pattern of dots is hidden on every banknote- on the £20 it's disguised as musical notes. If you are considering chancing your arm at counterfeiting though, don't worry too much- there are tutorials all over the place on how to crack the fucker.
I learned something today. I hope you did, too.
28.2.07
No-one Likes a Smartarse.
Have that, ASIMO.
I love the cameraman at the end- "A-haha! Robo-san, he ferrovah!"
21.2.07
Squashed Tomatoes and Stew.
It's this blog's second birthday today. Anyone who's ever left a comment, anyone who's chuckled, tutted, cursed or yawned at this site, you have my thanks. It feels as though shitloads has happened since 21/02/2005, but looking through the archive I suppose I must've either imagined it or not been arsed to write about it. My patch of internet continues to serve it's purpose though, so I can't see myself packing it in yet. Here's to the next birthday!
19.2.07
13.2.07
I Don't Ask For Much.
Someone please buy me this please. And be quick, there's only two days to go. Let me know when you've got it, just leave a comment.
Cheers, nice one.
EDIT: Cuh, thanks a lot for NOTHING.
Cheers, nice one.
EDIT: Cuh, thanks a lot for NOTHING.
12.2.07
Learning Lines.
Hahaha, it really makes me laugh when I think about how shit I am at learning lines. Seriously, I'm awful at it. Really, truly dire. I'm laughing right now at just how shitty my line-learning skills are. Do you want some lines learned? Best look elsewhere, pal. Nah, seriously, I'm awful.
I've been looking for an excuse for ages to post a pic of Princess Di. Apropos of absolutely nothing, here is that picture:
Let us pray.
"O Princess of Hearts, lovely Lady Di, please shine your holy light on me from heaven and give me the strength to learn my lines, sweet sweet Lady Di, O scourge of landmines and curer of AIDS, O media-shy reluctant celebrity (DAMN those paparazzi DAMN THEM), please look to little Marko and help him in his hour of need".
That should sort it.
I've been looking for an excuse for ages to post a pic of Princess Di. Apropos of absolutely nothing, here is that picture:
Let us pray.
"O Princess of Hearts, lovely Lady Di, please shine your holy light on me from heaven and give me the strength to learn my lines, sweet sweet Lady Di, O scourge of landmines and curer of AIDS, O media-shy reluctant celebrity (DAMN those paparazzi DAMN THEM), please look to little Marko and help him in his hour of need".
That should sort it.
8.2.07
Snow Days 2007
"Fuck" I thought to myself just over an hour ago, "they weren't lying on the news, for a change. It's snowy as fuck out there".
Despite all the tales I've been told of my current headteacher being a non-school-closing kind of dude, school has succumbed and I get to spend the day in Hyrule breaking in to the new Zelda. Sweet as you like.
Here's the obligatory pic of Snow Day 2007- it's exactly the same as the pic from this time last year, which is either comforting or depressing, can't tell which yet.
EDIT: Wooooargh, Day II! Woke up at 06:45, snow started at around 07:00, just got another call to say school's closed AGAIN. I probably won't feel this pleased at the end of next month but for now, fuck it, four-day weekend!!
Despite all the tales I've been told of my current headteacher being a non-school-closing kind of dude, school has succumbed and I get to spend the day in Hyrule breaking in to the new Zelda. Sweet as you like.
Here's the obligatory pic of Snow Day 2007- it's exactly the same as the pic from this time last year, which is either comforting or depressing, can't tell which yet.
EDIT: Wooooargh, Day II! Woke up at 06:45, snow started at around 07:00, just got another call to say school's closed AGAIN. I probably won't feel this pleased at the end of next month but for now, fuck it, four-day weekend!!
4.2.07
Christmas Arrives, Finally.
As you can see, I've got my Wii at last, and it's great. It's all thanks to my brother who saw some stock in Toys R Us and grabbed one for me.
Bit of a lovely weekend, actually- went to Bristol and had a session with Kara, Rob J and co, then got home to Wario Ware! Very nice. The only downside is that boxing doesn't half make your bloody arms ache, and that Laura keeps beating me.
1.2.07
"Schoolyard Penis Seen From Space"
From The Guardian:
"Two pupils who drew a giant penis on a school lawn using weed killer two years ago can still admire their work from satellite photos now posted on the internet.
Despite the school re-seeding the area, the penis has turned up on satellite image search engines because a photo was taken before the new grass could conceal the appendage".
Good work, lads!
"Two pupils who drew a giant penis on a school lawn using weed killer two years ago can still admire their work from satellite photos now posted on the internet.
Despite the school re-seeding the area, the penis has turned up on satellite image search engines because a photo was taken before the new grass could conceal the appendage".
Good work, lads!
31.1.07
On Parent's Evenings, Sleep Medication and a Right Cunt of a Cold.
Well, this is certainly turning into one of those weeks- despite my being in a lowly long-term cover position I've been following a policy of making myself as useful to the school as possible so when THE POSITION shows up, whenever that happens, I can be seen as an attractive prospect for them. With that in mind, this week I took part- voluntarily, mind- in my first parent's evening, chatting to families of my year ten pupils about their progress. Most of the families were fucking rednecks but they seemed pleased enough to have someone talking to them being as how the regular teacher is still off sick- I'd love to say more about why, but I really fucking really can't.
Anyway, what else? Well, since just after Christmas, right, I've been having this crazy-ass bout of insomnia. It's not the first time, but it's certainly the worst. I've been unable to sleep before 0300 or 0400, with my mind spinning and random, out-of-context phrases or words looping in my head, basically driving my ass fucking insane- I get up at half six, so I needs me my sleeps. Last week I went to the GP, and after doing her level best to diagnose depression (which she couldn't, as there is none) she elected to sort me with a week's worth of Zopiclone, AKA Zimovane. I've been prescribed this before in my late teens, but I don't remember the side effects being this intense- each night I've taken it I've been having vivid-as-fuck dreams, some of which have been quite nasty. Over the weekend I was in some Resident Evil III-type situation, only I remember being in a barn with a dead dog and I kept stabbing the fuck out if it with a pitchfork, really mashing it up even though I was aware of what I was doing and how crazy it was. They also give me a bit of an aftermong until about mid-morning the following day... add that to the utter gypsy CUNT of a cold I've come down with today, and it feels as though my skull has been stuffed with asbestos fibres- my sinuses are itchy and enflamed, I'm sneezing constantly, my nose is all scabby and I'm basically a bit of a drooling mongoloid right now. Wait, wait, I can't say "mongoloid", I mean I'm a drooling 'tard. No, not 'tard, spacker. Shit, sorry, I mean... look, I'm all over the shop. My head of department told me to go home this lunchtime, but I clung on until the end of school and added before I left that I'm taking tomorrow off if I still feel rough- I do, so on the bright side I'm having a fucking sick day tomorrow.
Well, that was an ill-thought out and poorly written rant. Don't blame me, it's the drugs.
Anyway, what else? Well, since just after Christmas, right, I've been having this crazy-ass bout of insomnia. It's not the first time, but it's certainly the worst. I've been unable to sleep before 0300 or 0400, with my mind spinning and random, out-of-context phrases or words looping in my head, basically driving my ass fucking insane- I get up at half six, so I needs me my sleeps. Last week I went to the GP, and after doing her level best to diagnose depression (which she couldn't, as there is none) she elected to sort me with a week's worth of Zopiclone, AKA Zimovane. I've been prescribed this before in my late teens, but I don't remember the side effects being this intense- each night I've taken it I've been having vivid-as-fuck dreams, some of which have been quite nasty. Over the weekend I was in some Resident Evil III-type situation, only I remember being in a barn with a dead dog and I kept stabbing the fuck out if it with a pitchfork, really mashing it up even though I was aware of what I was doing and how crazy it was. They also give me a bit of an aftermong until about mid-morning the following day... add that to the utter gypsy CUNT of a cold I've come down with today, and it feels as though my skull has been stuffed with asbestos fibres- my sinuses are itchy and enflamed, I'm sneezing constantly, my nose is all scabby and I'm basically a bit of a drooling mongoloid right now. Wait, wait, I can't say "mongoloid", I mean I'm a drooling 'tard. No, not 'tard, spacker. Shit, sorry, I mean... look, I'm all over the shop. My head of department told me to go home this lunchtime, but I clung on until the end of school and added before I left that I'm taking tomorrow off if I still feel rough- I do, so on the bright side I'm having a fucking sick day tomorrow.
Well, that was an ill-thought out and poorly written rant. Don't blame me, it's the drugs.
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