The abyss gazes also into you.

Oh fuck, all I want to do is QUIT. The only thing I've ANY desire to do right now is to just. Fucking. QUIT. There's less than three weeks of teaching left, but I feel as though I never want to do another day, another lesson. It'd be a terrible and inexcusable shame to pack it in now, when the year is close to being over... But it'd almost be worth it just to be able to let this out in one totally self-destructive way or another. I am on the ground, a twenty-six year old man in front of a keyboard on the verge of tears. I know I'm the melodramatic sort, I know my language is full of hyperbole and I often come across at totally full of shit, but I'm being as cool and unemotional as I can right now and still, my confidence is in tatters, I'm tired, my head is spinning trying to keep track of all the things I'm supposedly shit at and I recieved another refusal letter in the post this morning. There is no incentive, no point, and little future left because if not this, then what? Where now? What the fuck am I going to do? I'm writing this as rhetoric, I'm getting it off my chest, these questions aren't intended to be answered. These are just feelings. This is my page. Turn it if you wish.
EDIT: I've been home for a few hours and I had to add to this post now that I've calmed down and straightened myself out a bit. It's not as bad as all that. I've come up with some changes to the lesson that went so badly today, I've got another application on it's way to me from a school in Bristol, It's the last week of term, things could be a shitload worse. And I am aware of the fact that I'm learning while all this trauma is going on- yes, my mentor isn't shy about letting me know when she think's something's shit, but my planning has improved, I've seen a lot of good teachers at work and I'll be as ready as I'll ever be come September (assuming there's a job and I don't yet fail- as seen above, when people told me about the stress they weren't fucking lying). Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'd delete it, but I don't want to start self-censorship as it goes against the point, don't you think? More tomorrow.