On the Execution of Saddam Hussein.

What's fascinating me now isn't the actual act itself- I've always been against capital punishment, but I'm sensible enough to know that my views are so far removed from the circumstance that they have no bearing on it at all. What I'm looking forward to more than anything is watching the media showing their hand- coverage is going to "play out" over the next few days. A perfect example of what I mean has arisen immediately- the following charming graphic is from the current front page of www.foxnews.com (slogan- "We Report, You Decide):

Massive red font, bones in the background, Saddam looking for all the world like he's been caught red-handed skull-fucking the corpse of Gerald Ford... real, old-school propaganda. This sort of reporting takes all the stress away for people without opinions- "here's a viewpoint, it's perfect for you! It's ours, sure, but you can use it. Go on, look at the dramatic font and the skulls AND SPOUT OUR AGENDA AS YOUR OWN, FLESHBAGS".

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas by the way, Laura and I certainly did. I'll try to avoid posting while slaughtered tomorrow night, but I can't promise anything.

School's Out!

That was an absolutely lovely term- it's one of those schools where even the twats are nice enough, really. I got talked into singing at the Christmas concert, got some nice cards and a box of chocs from some staff and pupils... it's generally a nice school, and I really hope I can work there again.


And Blaenau Gwent pay bloody well, too.

Christmas: CANCELLED.

Click to feel my pain.

Novelty "Magic Christmas Tree" Item.

"Grows in Five Hours".

Before:

After:

Hm, Serial Killers.

I feel as though I want to post something about this, but all that's really coming to me is my usual no-good lowbrow wittering, so I'll leave it.

"If you don't have anything good to say..." etc.

EDIT: Regrettably, Littlejohn didn't follow my example. Prick.

OMG TORCHWOOD LOL

From samadriel over at CaB:


Click for full-size

Everyone's Seen This by Now...

... but here's the superb "How to Tell When a Relationship is Over in Ninety Seconds."


Julian Barrett's fantastic with the ol' "facial acting"- that character has hardly any lines but you can still feel the pain.

TOOL

Fuck. Seriously, what a fantastic gig. My biggest concern now is how I'll be able to get up and about in five hours time to teach properly. Photos over the weekend. Trust me, it was absolutely fucking brilliant.

EDIT: Okay, here are some pics. They're all a bit shit I'm afraid, mainly because the event staff were shining really harsh Mag-Lites at people they saw with cameras out, to fuck up their pictures (at the band's request, cunts) so all pics had to be sans flash. Plus it was hectic with the jumping about and the metal and the booze etc.

Anyway, click for bigger versions as always:

Had Some Bad Sushi Earlier.

Found Shopping List.

Only interesting in that it's written on special "Shopping List" stationary, which I think is a lovely touch. Although, the scribbling and jagged pen-slashes at the bottom make it look like the work of an unpredictable, violent maniac. Who loves kittens (click for full-size).

In other news, school last week was a lot of fun. I've got a bit of planning to do tonight as I know I'm there for a month and I don't want to be making each lesson up as I go along. A week off rehearsals too, which'll be lovely.

I hate Sundays.

Friday Night.

Had a lovely evening- was invited to Bristol to a party at Kara's new place. Caught up with her, Rob J, met the lovely Mel, saw Ben and Jen and got shitfaced. A lovely spur-of-the-moment night.

WOW!

Finally, a nice bit of Who spoilage!

Spoiler-boy warns you that this clip contains spoilers.
Spoiler-boy finds this spoiler delicious, and returns to his cave, sated and fat.

INTERNET EXCLUSIVE.

Here we go, folks. The first picture anywhere...

... of Dicktanian and the Three Jerketeers.

This one's going to be a turkey.

I Don't Generalise...

... So I'm not going to say "the American military are all a bunch of pricks". But still...

An American soldier there, wondering aloud why he's not authorised to shoot children for throwing rocks at his armoured vehile.

Also...

Winning hearts and minds the whole world over.

In other news- I've got the next four week's teaching sorted at a comprehensive school right on my doorstep, teaching Drama. Very pleased indeed.

George and Lynne #3

Click for full-size

I'll be wrapping this up soon, promise.

Music!

It's been a great few days for music- A new album coming up from Brand New, a three-disc bastard of an album from Tom Waits and live recordings from Foo Fighters and the mighty Rammstein. Needless to say I have purchased all these at retail price, from a licensed vendor of copyrighted products.

Teaching at Pen-Y-Dre Today...

... and it's as mad as ever. One kid turned up to school on a horse, and I got this gem from a year-ten pupil:

"Sir, I know a girl in year nine with chlamydia! That's fucking mad that is Sir, fourteen and you got chlamydia!"


This is all fodder for the novel which I'll probably never write.

George and Lynn #2

Click for full-size

George and Lynn #1

Click for full-size.

ARMED ROBBERY!

Wow, breaking news- about half an hour ago there was an armed robbery at the Natwest in town, about three minutes walk from where I type this:

Click for bigger version
They had a shooter and everything. I'm getting my arse down there with my camera RIGHT NOW, back later with pics.

We take you live now to BBC News 24 in London:

"...I'm now being told we can go live to the scene, Mark, can you give us some idea of the mood there?"







"Thanks Mark, there's certainly one word that sums up the atmosphere in the air here after this morning's terrible incident, and that word is bored as fuck. As you can see we've got one police officer on the scene, and his duties so far have included chatting with passers-by, yawning, and playing with what we believe to be his own bollocks. We've had word from an insider who reports that although a live firearm was used in the attack, no shots were fired and the perpetrator has already been apprehended. Reports that the robber wore a black-and-white-striped top and black eye-mask have been dismissed as 'lazy stereotyping'. Back to the studio".

Can't Wait!

I haven't been to a gig in absolutely ages- all year in fact. The last decent live act I saw was Sage Francis in Amsterdam over a year ago, so I can't wait for TOOL at the end of next month. A week or two after that I've got Mitchell and Webb to look forward to as well, so a few treats coming up.

Sexy Mustard!

I'm only posting this because I laughed so much I don't want to forget the link, and it's topical, what with the time of year and all. Hope you laugh.

"Pass".

Evil Dead: The Musical.

I've always been a gigantic horror freak. One of the earliest film memories I have is sitting with my nose practically squeezed against the T.V screen, watching a grainy and washed-out pirate VHS copy of The Evil Dead and having my mind blown to pieces by the crazy intensity and viscera. A few years later the sequel did the same, but my slightly-more mature mind was able to appreciate the slapstick and roll with the humour. I wasn't the only one- the two Evil Deads (and to a lesser extent the threequel, Army of Darkness) are hugely-beloved cult classics. When you meet someone new, it's usual to ask about favourite films- take it from me, if someone mentions Evil Dead, they're good people.
The first film is now twenty-five years old. The musical is clearly being produced by people like me who grew up as fans, with fanatical love for the source material. Each review I've read has gushed praise over it like foamy blood from a trapdoor. It feels to me like it could be a new Little Shop of Horrors- I think I've made my point. Just let it suffice to say: if this ever makes it's way to the UK, I will take a chainsaw to anything that gets in the way of my getting a ticket.

Someone I Know's Just Been on the Telly!

Those who know me well will know that about ten years ago I was in a short one-off drugs awareness-type drama on BBC1 Wales called Knucklehead. About halfway through tonight's premiere of Torchwood on BBC3, I realised where I recognised the fella playing Ianto Jones from:

Small world, eh?

Regarding Torchwood, I think it has a lot of potential but a lot of flaws. The most interesting character was Cardiff- it looked absolutely stunning, more so for not having to pretend to be London. Obviously I'll be watching the rest regardless, but I hope they can show a bit of restraint with the script- we already know that Captain Jack's an omnisexual intergalactic fuck-machine, there's no need to lay on the "ooh missus" asides every other line. I'd also like more gore, but then I'd like more gore in everything.

G'night!

I've Just Been on the Telly!

Remeber that Mastermind Cymru taping I went to over the summer? No? Well, whatever. The first episode is on now, and you can totally see me in the audience, which means you'll be able to next week as well.

Awesome.

My Bad New Hobby:

INTERNET LIES. I'm on Soulseek earlier, right, and someone starts downloading the new My Chemical Romance album from me, and, being bored, I decided to start a string of lies to see what they'd believe. Even I was shocked. Click to see the deceit.

Everything's cool with me- had to go for another Criminal Records Board check earlier in the week, I suppose they want to be certain I haven't raped anyone in the six months since my last one. Still, when that comes back according to my contact I can start work straight away. I've been doing some more temping in Laura's office, I'm considering a week or two at the call centre, I'm off to Devon tomorrow to attend the wedding of an old colleague- hope everyone's well!

One Review.

One measly bloody review- and what a wonderful piece of journalism it is. Click it if you actually want to read it. Audrey Jones of the Gwent Gazette- you're a boring old cunt.


EDIT: That's a bit harsh, I know, but she's hardly Hunter S. Thompson, is she?

Heads Up!

Torchwood teasers are popping up regularly on BBC1 now- nothing much to report, just one-second flashes of the logo with a crackly electricity-style sound effect. I'd advise staying tuned after Eastenders tomorrow night (03/10/06).


Or clicking below : )



Not long now, then.

I Met Girls Aloud Today!

Well, when I say "met", I mean "insulted over a live web chat".
Posing as "Sharon from Cardiff".

... and at that point I was kicked off : (

Myspace.com

Honestly, I'm not deluded enough to think that railing against myspace.com is in any way edgy or hip- for the record, I think the myspace-type social networking trend is, in essence a good thing, but the people... must the people wreck everything*?

Pout. Head cocked askance. Practiced, identikit deep-and-meaningful look into the webcam. Username that's so kooky, anyone reading it will instantly go clinically batshit-insane. A profile of interests so studied and considered that the desperation leaps off the screen and down your throat. It's narcissism on a fanatical scale- a yearning to appear individual and fascinating, on an identical form being filled in by millions and millions of other identically unique and rare individual wankers. Find me a myspace profile which doesn't feature these traits, and I will personally leave the author a heartfelt message of thanks and congratulation*. Conversely, if you think I'm wrong, let me know why.

"But Mark, how is your blog so different to all that, you hypocritical prick?"

I'm not clamouring for a longer list of friends, I'm not trying to squeeze myself in to any scene in particular, there's no attempt to look sexier, cooler, deeper or more obscure than thou. This is myspace for me as opposed to a window I can stand in to try and woo passers by with my haircut and excellent taste.

Fuck it, I've dried up.

Myspace.com, yesterday.


*If you're a band or a solo artiste trying to get free publicity for your work then I understand, and you can consider yourself off the shit-list. Also if you work in the sex industry, go in peace.

The Final Curtain...

... went down last night, and I found myself really pleased with how the whole thing went. It was a hard week- I've got myself a temping job in an office (more on the work sitch in a bit) so I've been nine-to-fiving it then hauling ass to the theatre, plastering on minging greasepaint, taping mic leads all over my hairy self and baking under hot lights for three hours, so by the end of each night I've been wrecked- last night though was really euphoric. An enthusiastic audience and a truly pumped cast made it a really special night. Massive thanks to everyone who came to see it over the week- Laura and family, my brother and sister-in-law, Sianni and Ross (a pleasure, Sir), Tre, Sam and everyone else I haven't mentioned. I hope it went down well.
On Wednesday night a face from my past was in the crowd- an old friend from a show ten years ago who's now a Drama teacher at the school where I failed an English interview a few months back. She was very complimentary about my performance and expressed relief that I didn't get the English job- according to her there'll be an opening in her Drama department soon, and she recommended I apply. Of course I'll do just that, but I won't get excited at this point as I've been disappointed by word-of-mouth before.
Now I have to ponder whether or not i want to get involved in the next show. I can say after the event that it's been lovely, but the long rehearsal process and the fatigue of the performance week were a major pain in the anal canal. I'll have a think about it this week- the decision has a lot to do with what the next show is going to be. I was pleased to be involved in Titanic as it wasn't a show I'd seen before- I'll be less eager to get involved if the company intend trotting out some tired ten-a-penny piece of shite next.

Anyway, it was lovely. Some fantastic backstage memories: whiskey, applause, half-time cigarettes, light shining through dust, panic, frozen seconds, campness, new friends, obscene photographs, all good. Everyone involved had to write their own entry for the programme, so I thought I'd post mine, if you're interested. Give it a click for the legible version.


Be Thee Well.
x

Rosenrot, O Rosenrot.

Unemployment is fucking painful. Driving lessons and bills everywhere. It'll be fine, I'm sure- I'm applying for jobs all over the place. If all else fails there's always the call-centre for a while.

SECURITY ISSUE AT SKYWALKER RANCH

Full story here

There's One Word on Everyone's Lips Today.

And it's "Crikey"!

Should've kept it on dry land, Steve.

Let's Laugh at the Stupidity of Others!

I found this discarded shopping list in the supermarket earlier. Go on, click on it, it's brilliant.

1.) MOOSE? You can't buy a Moose in Tesco. In fact, I don't think you can find a Moose in any supermarket, although I haven't tried Aldi in a while.
2.) What the frig is "backlunch"?
3.) Baby food? Oh Christ, it's got a child.
4.) Camel? Cemal? Carel? Fuck knows.

I also particularly enjoy the way the author reminds him/herself of the amount of lightbulbs he/she needs- "10 of them". Lovely.

Yes, I know it's very poor to laugh at the idiots, but Laura and I took the "Test the Nation" I.Q test tonight, and we both did okay although she beat my 115 with her very clever 127 mutter mumble curse.

I Never Learn.

I'd like someone to make a Firefox extension that detects whether or not the user has drunk two bottles of wine, then stops them from posting on their blog if it reads "positive".

ONE MEAL PER DAY

COME ON YOU CUNTS
LET'S HAVE SOME APHEX ACID

Press Coverage

The above article is taken from the Gwent Gazette dated 24/08/06. Click for a bigger, readable version, and hey- how's that for a tasteful headline?

Three Weeks Tonight...

... is Brown Trousers night. Seriously, I'm shitting it. The songs are all out of my range and I haven't learned my lines- nothing new there then, eh? Apparently tickets are going really well and we should have a sell-out, which is good news. After all, the only thing worse than turning in a second-rate performance is turning in a second-rate performance to a half-empty theatre, so at least I'll be fucking it up in front of a healthy crowd. Book now for the sham-dram experience of a lifetime!

Got Engaged.

*Skrit Skrit*

I'm just sort of shaking my head and wondering about this fella, not sure what to make of him. A survivor of some sort of Ichthyosis? Fuck knows. This blog is becoming less about my life and more about me scratching my head wondering what's afflicting others. I'd say "burn victim", but the eyes... Anyway, my life. It was the beautiful Laura's birthday this past weekend, and we celebrated with a day out at one of Britain's most awesome theme-park-cum-animal-sanctuaries, Chessington World of Adventures. A few of the rides were fucked so the theme-park aspect was shit, but we did see some really cool animals, the best of which was the Capybara, world's largest rodent- and look at him, he's fucking massive. That's the sort of rodent you don't want to see sniffing around your bins, he'd chew your fucking arm off. Unless of course you lived in a well-known Capybara area, in which case you wouldn't even be checking your bins without some sort of recoil-free firearm. Can you tell my heart's not in this post somehow? I sure can. Driving lesson yesterday, I'm getting better. Missed a few Titanic rehearsals what with Laura's birthday and whatever, my dicky back's been playing up a bit. Moan, moan, moan, fuck, I bore myself sometimes. I was planning something special for Laura's birthday, but it didn't quite happen- it will, and I'll keep you posted.

(Harri are you okay, Harri are you okay, are you okay Harri?)

Wii vs PS3 Spoof

This exactly sums up why I'm really looking forward to owning the new Nintendo console. Cheap and fun.

I Hate Being Away!

Because I've only just noticed this:



I don't like the plain blue suit one little bit. Of course, a lot of that has to do with the fact that I know I could never get away with it like The Doctor will, effortlessly.

Pic from the BBC site, of course.

Summer?

I just don't know how to start this, and I sure as fuck won't be bothered spellchecking when it's over, so sorry in advance. To begin with, let me tell you about last Thursday. I was supposed to be flying myself out to Amsterdam as I've done each year since the millennium, to shake off the horrors of the year and "get in touch" with myself, but, if you're a UK denizen then you'll know that last week some fucking idiot wanna-be amateur bombsmiths with a ridiculous fucking axe to grind had some other ideas. These "bombers" may or may not have even existed- I don't trust the news, I don't trust what I'm told on screen or in print, I never have, all I know is that some argument I have FUCK ALL to do with has gypped me out of a solid four days of blissful intoxicated partying... fuck, let me set the scene for you. I awoke at 0600 last Thursday and the first thing I see is these cunts on the left, telling me there's been some sort of "mild terror alert", dressing it up in their stupid fucking GMTV safe morning-friendly smile-talk while I'm thinking "ah Christ, delays then", so I set out, I get to the airport with with time to spare (a feat in itself, of which I was proud) to find fucking bedlam. Bedlam and Babylon. People lining up for hour after hour, British humanity in all it's glory, waiting it's turn, dreading the bad news. It was a massive disorganised funeral. Everyone knew they wern't getting where they going, but everyone was too damn British to make a fuss. A classic example of queuing at it's best. Right, bollocks, I'm not going to whinge about my missed holiday anymore because I'm bored of it, and at least I had one or two good nights fuelled out of sheer frustration and anger (hey, maybe it's not your thing, but if you're in Bristol and you're off your mash on ecstasy pipes and you've got nothing better to do, maybe you should enjoy the fifteen-floor superclub that is Oceana. My thanks go to Owen and Captain Crunch, whether they read this or not, for the textual and moral support).

Anyway.
No more moaning.

On to the positive. I've had a few driving lessons, which have been fun. I'm shit thus far, my clutch control is fucking awful and it's entirely my own fault, but at least I'm making up at last for leaving it this late. A big welcome to any newcomers who've posted comments recently, it doesn't go unnoticed. I appreciate any and all feedback, be it red, white, blue or black ; )

Marko
x

FISH WITH HUMAN TEETH

Full, terrifying story here.

School Stuff

Interesting article about Pen Y Dre here.

"Hey, Nice Shoes!"

I had to pop to the supermarket earlier, and outside were two young lads playing about. As I walked past, one of them called to me "Hey, nice shoes"!
That put a big smile on my face, so a big thanks to those two kids and also to Osiris.

How Much Lewis Can The Internets Handle?

Looks like there's another Lewis with a blog- it's still in it's fledgling stages, but What Up Jarge is up and running. This is a picture of the protagonist enjoying five consecutive pasties.

Dum, Dum-Dum Derrrrrrrrr..... NER-NER!

That's how the theme tune from "Mastermind" goes. And hey, I should fucking know, because I heard it plenty of times last Saturday. What it is, right, is that I went along to the BBC Cymru studios in Cardiff to see a taping of the all-new Mastermind Cymru- just like the English version except it's in Welsh. Which I don't speak. I went, you see, to cheer on my good friend Huw, who was a contestant- his specialism was the television work of one Alan Partridge, and although he didn't win, he only lost on passes to a freak whose specialism was the Kray twins. I mean, would I be allowed to get on Mastermind with Hindley and Brady as my specialist subject? Or Jeffrey Dahmer, the Milwaukee Cannibal? Probably not. So, I scream "bollocks" and retain Huw as the victor in my eyes. After the taping (which did go on for ages thanks to host Betsan Powys frigging it up all the time, fucking amateur) we headed back to see good ol' Gavo (we being Harri, Sian and I), had a bit of a session and heard all about his trip to Rome. Nice.

In other news, I absolutely fucking hate the following: school, summer, the Earth's sun, the Tesco corporation, that song about the girl who wishes she was a punk rocker with flowers in her hair, having to wait a week for the conclusion to last week's Doctor Who, maggots, stinging nettles, waiting for the summer holidays, and writing school reports.

That is all.

Sigh.

Nothing eloquent sorry folks, just reporting that I didn't get the job. Again. Starting to feel like a right cunt now.

A Right Cunt, Yesterday

Interview Time Again.

Tuesday, in a school quite close by. I'll say no more.

Hang on, I haven't told you about "Titanic" yet, have I? Here goes then- I've gone and gotten myself roped into taking a role in a local production of "Titanic- The Musical". First thing to point out is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with Titanic, the 1997 James Cameron film.

I thought my shady musical theatre days were behind me, but I was asked by a teacher in my current school to fill in for someone who'd fallen ill, so I thought I'd do it to raise my profile a bit and to get some favours owed- it can't hurt, I suppose. Well, bollocks actually, it can- the part is quite big and is in the tenor range, which is bloody high for my rumbling, manly voice. Plus it's in the first weeks of September, so I'll have a lot of rehearsing to do over my summer bloody holidays. On the plus side, it's for a company I've performed with before about ten years ago, and everyone's really pleased to see me and is giving it the "ooh haven't you grown" routine, which is putting a smile on my face in spite of myself. Come and see it if you want, it'll be comedy if nothing else.

I'll update following my interview- if you see another short chapter of disjointed fiction you'll know it didn't go well : )

x

("Hiya" to Karen and Sian!)

Thought You Might Like This Picture.

I love the way it takes the familiar image of Mario's eternal quest and gives it just the tiniest tweak of perspective- a tweak that changes the image into something bleak and, I reckon, quite heartbreaking.

Poor bastard, he does such a fantastic job.
(Click for bigger version)

Okay, Here We Go-

See, it starts off nice and respectable. New suit, tie, lovely day, all smiles. Then the pints start flowing, the tie comes off and the fun starts. I'm not normally a nationalist, but if you put a few pints in me and surround me with family, an English flag is like a red rag to a bull, so we'll get rid of that, thank you very much. Things get more and more vague after that. I think there was some of the usual horseplay between Big Lew and Me, but all you really need to know is that this is the end result:

A lovely day was had by all.

My Dad's Wedding

Look, I weent to my Dad's weddngtoday, and I;'ve got lods of pictures,and I'd like to pit them up but I'm too fuckojng wrecked. Tomooroworw I'll put them u[pm aloing with some video, but right now I can';;t be arsed. Sufficew to say I had a reallly nice adfy, Seeyyou tommoreww,

x

Oh Come On Satan You Tedious Cunt.

Alright, everyone knows that you missed a trick with the Millenium. That would have been an ideal time to rise from your firey pit and overthrow a confused and panicky humanity, but nothing happened. No Millenium Bug, no plague of boils, in fact there was no grand gesture on your part at all.
"Fine", I thought at the time, "he certainly won't miss the really big date coming up in six years or so".
I should've known better. It's now nearly half four on the sixth of the sixth, oh-bloody-six, and it's starting to look like you've stood me up again, you complete prick! I mean, what are you thinking? Have you totally lost your flair for the Grand Guignol? Everyone knows you're slowly winning the battle anyway, what with the decline of the moral standard, the corruption of youth, the war, the murder, the blah blah blah, but come on, couldn't you just this once have said "oh, fuck the long game" and given us a bit of spectacle? I mean, look!

It's like your very own version of the Bat-signal, shining into the midnight sky that is man's damnation, and you can't even be arsed to show your scaly face. Well, I'm almost out of patience. If you don't show up on the ninth of the ninth two thousand and nine, then let me tell you, it's over.

It Won't Always Be This Amateurish. Promise.

Right- Does the sound work for you?
Is the lyp-synch lined up okay?
Is it a waste of time?

Death Imitating Art?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I

Ryan opened the window, squinted, blinked.
Rain.
After a night like that any weather would have seemed magnificent, but rain... well. Rain was perfect.
Without giving his mind a chance to wander, Ryan turned himself back into the room and in one liquid movement dressed in the blink of an eye.
Purpose, action, motion.
A cigarette and no toast for breakfast and he was outside, keys, change and all. Diving into the street, striving toward purpose, replacing reason with feedback and concentrating on the imperative- If you stop, you fail.
Wet through, steam coming out his nose like Taurus.
Old, wet faces cursed his passing with mutters and oaths, his image in the raindrops the only proof he ever existed. Move, don't think. If you stop, you fail.

Destination. Resolution. Happenstance and kismet.

All things considered? Good day for a funeral.

I can sum it all up in just one word.

"Bringbackborstal".

Time.

Maybe it's that the new series of Doctor Who is in full swing, but I find it very cool that later on tonight, in the early hours of Thursday morning, the time will read:

01:02:03, 04/05/06.

It can't be just me, surely that's really very cool indeed?

Anyway, in other news, I have an interview on Monday. I won't post any more details until it's over so as not to invite the jinx-monkey in. Had a lovely bank holiday weekend with Harri and the Aber crew, but like a cock I forgot my camera, so no pics sorry. Another time.

Hope everyone's well.

Lewis.

I wouldn't normally do this.

The new TOOL single has been leaked, so here's a link if you give a stuff. If you're reading this then you probably already know how full of shit I am about bands that I love, but trust me, it's really fucking good.
If the TOOL news doesn't interest you, have a picture of Laura's dog instead:

Either way, don't say I never give you anything.
Oh, and nearly forgot- It seems we have a reader in China!

Who's this grumpy girl, then?